2pacavelli: December 2005

Friday, December 30, 2005

Amateur Night

Before I leave for one of the funnest weekends of the year, I want to wish you all a happy new year, and more importantly a SAFE one!

According to The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, on New Years Eve 2004 between 6:00pm and 6:00am, 60 people died in alcohol related deaths. I'm not preaching at ya, just remember to be safe and careful on the road. Most taxi companies will offer a free service after midnight, so take advantage.

Before you head out on the new year's voyage with your friends, you might want to pick up some trendy 2006 glasses. The one's pictured to the right are popular if you're ringing in your new year with Snoop Dogg or Lil' John. Don't forget your pimp cup, Okkkaayyyy!!??

Please be safe and I hope to see you all next year. As my best friend, Kramer, would say, "Don't drink and drive, you might spill your beer!"
OUT for '05

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Anybody know a Diesel Mechanic???

500 miles into our 800+ mile road trip home for the holidays, I take over driving again after filling up with gas in Memphis, TX. 15 minutes down the road, the car starts sputtering...wtf!? I take off the cruise and the car almost stalls out. Luckily we were rolling up on a town with population 25, Childress Texas, and we pull on the median right across the street from a the one and only gas station of the city, a shell gas station.

After risking my life pushing the car across the street, along with my gf trying her ass of to steer the car with no power, we finally push it into the middle of the gas station and jump out the car expecting the worst.
No fluids leaking? No smoke billowing out when I open the hood? No strange smells or anything...What could this be. It's like watching a re-run of Beverly Hills Cop I, when Taggart and Rosewood fall for the infamous Banana in the tailpipe. The car won't even turn over now...Great, we're stuck in the middle of B.F.E. aka Childress, TX.

After calling Mazda roadside assistance and dealing with the pricks in their call center, we finally get a tow truck driver heading out our way, with an ETA of 2 hours. It's already 9:00pm and we realize that it's going to be a long night. After spelunking our way through the gas station and the Subway attached to it, we decided to curl up under our sleeping bags in the broke-dick car and try and catch some Z's.

The tow truck arrives 3 1/2 hours later. The driver is a complete redneck, and can't stop talking about Mexican-this, black folks-that, etc. After an awkward 2 hour drive back in the cab of the tow truck driver who sounds like Boomhauer, from King of the Hill, we finally arrive at our desitination. It's 1:30 am, we check into the Motel 6, and I'm asleep before my heads hits the pillow...

We then wake up the next morning to a wonderful surprise. The poor secretary at the Mazda dealership calls and informs us that we have a full tank of...diesel fuel. Now I'm no car expert, but aren't most cars supposed to run on unleaded gasoline. Yes they are dip-stick, next time don't try and force the bigger nozzle into the gas tank, apparently the nozzle on the diesel pump is bigger. Here's another tip for all you savy car folks, even if you push the unleaded button on the gas pump, if you pick up the diesel nozzle, it WILL give you diesel. Trust me...I am speaking from experience. Those damn liars...not everything is bigger in Texas.

Until next time, if it doesn't fit...don't force it.
OUT

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Been Away...

I've been away, stay tuned for some great stories about my Christmas trip to meet my girlfriend's parents in TexASS...Gaylord Faucker ain't got nothin' on this.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Toy Soldiers

On Dictionary.com, the word soldier is described as an active, loyal, or militant follower of an organization. Hmmm, so a toy soldier would be an active, loyal, militant follower of an organization, in which a child is controlling. This is really starting to feel like my current place of employment.
I feel like when I wake up in the morning, jump into the shower, and get dressed, I have to remember to grab the fuckin' strings to clip onto my back...Damn, another day in puppet land.

After a mild heart attack this morning upon receiving my December 20th paycheck, I head to a meeting with our "corporate trainer". For those of you who don't know, click here for the definition. Frankly, I have no idea either. Things start off great. The test says I am genuinely a good employee, good at dealing/working with other people, I have a lot of energy, and have a good balance of taking orders and giving orders. Then we move onto my current state of mind. Shit...why can't we just stop the meeting now. This topic is a hard pill to swallow, but I think to myself, "I can get through it"...Afterall, I've been told (2 times) that management would be willing to offer me a severance package, and help me "move to a position elsewhere(yeah, with another company) where I'm more happy". In the past, this only made me want to get better and prove them wrong. I must have had a bad burrito this morning or something, because it really pissed me off and made me think.
Apparently during the last 5 months of me trying to be the perfect employee, and not doing anything against the book, not only have I stressed myself out to the point where the trainer says to me, "This is NOT healthy, that's how people get ulcers and heart attacks", I've also apparently been getting further away from conforming to their chameleon-like culture. Talk about a downer, I wanted to crawl back in bed and start over. I just can't win here!
Maybe I will finally grow the balls and tell them what I really think about their fuckin' culture. NO, I really don't give a shit what every single person thinks about me at my job! How hard is that for you to understand? Is just showing up and doing my job not good enough these days? WTF? Jokers...

Well enough is enough, I'm off to drown my sorrows, suck it up, and go back to work tomorrow like nothing ever happened...already regretting it...I'm a toy soldier, victim of an inhouse drive-by...

If anything, take this great, simple quote away from reading this..."Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff."
OUT

Monday, December 19, 2005

Deep Thoughts...

The Colts are beatable...The Broncos are good...No, I didn't steal your hubcaps...As Craig Mack would say, it's not a bad thing to have a brand new flavor in your ear...BEER tastes great and is less filling...In 1 round I sniped 13 terrorists and didn't get shot once, playing Counter-Strike on Xbox...and lastly, I'm thankful for good friends and can't wait to see a lot of them during this holiday season...

Food for thought...Good judgment comes from experience...however, experience comes from bad judgment. That means...YOU GOTTA LIVE TO LEARN!
OUT

Friday, December 16, 2005

What was I saying...

I always have great ideas for new posts on this new blog thing that I've really been getting into lately, except the only times I can remember them is when I don't have access to the internet. Quite the dilemma I know...

So, I started thinking to myself...why don't I just write down the general ideas immediately after I think of them, that way there won't be any missed knowledge that is not being shared...BRILLIANT! This will also help me on the days I really want to expand on something, but have no access to the internet too. Then I really starting thinking about this new plan of attack, and what if I forget to get a pen, or a piece of paper, or forget to write down the idea in the first place??? My mind is flooded with the different things I'm going to have to remember to carry with me frequently, and before I know it...I'm back to the original problem.

So I search Yahoo under keyword Forgetfullness. I scroll through FinderzKeyperz (A great product if you're like my sister, and can't ever remember her keys), an alzheimers website (which I bookmarked for future reference), I even try The forgetfull quiz, and finally I find the answer in a great article entitled Forgetfullness, it's not always what you think. Could it be??? No way...I HAVE Dementia!!

I'm sure I'll learn to deal with these newly explained "changes in brain function", but now I realize how bad it sucks, and that there's actually a medical term for it. That's when you know you have something wrong with you...when it's already been diagnosed and titled. And it's only going to get worse...Grrrrrrrreat.

While I go start making lists of all the things I love in life before I forget it all, I'll leave you with this quote from the Greek tragic poet, Aeschylus..."Memory is the mother of all wisdom." What was I saying...oh yeah...
OUT

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Congratulations Linz Family

Congratulations to the all-American family...the Linzes. They successfully completed one of the most difficult tasks known to man..Not winning the Amazing Race, but spending over 600 hours with your family...without a break! Daaaaamn

Way to go Linzes, especially the sister. Poor girl is surrounded by three early 20s, testosterone filled men. Gentlemen...she's a keeper.

I'm going to quote BMarley again and leave you with this, "Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?" True 'dat!
OUT

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

No Woman, No Cry

Woke up this morning singing...get into the shower, singing...ever had a song stuck in your head, and had no idea where or when you heard it last? Welcome to my world. I hummed, sung, screamed, whistled, and any other form of making sound, to the song "No Woman No Cry", originally comprised by the late, great, Rastaman, Bob Marley. So Clear...people clapping in the background. Several lighters shown high in the air, extended from the hands of many appreciative fans. The crowd seemed to sway back and forth in front of the outstretched hands of...Ty Taylor???

FINALLY...Rock Star INXS, that's where I heard it last! Fantast would be proud...

Yes, for all you fans of the reality TV show RockStar:INXS, you know what I'm talking about. Ty was the brotha' that could sing, dance, and flat-out perform better than 99% of all straight males in the U.S. of A. It's too bad Garry, Andrew, Tim, John, and Kirk didn't think so. picture courtesy of msn.com

I gotta give a shout out to the house band! Those guys are incredible.

I think the world would be a better place if more people rocked the mohawk. Props to Ty. Sounds better than that wanna-be fag JD anyway. I never really listened to INXS, so frankly I don't give a damn.

That brings me to the haircut I gave my girlfriend's son T...a Mohawk. Have you ever seen the movie Joe Dirt? The young Joe Dirt would be proud, and T was totally pulling it off. Kept asking, "How's my hair look? Is it still standing up? I'm rockin' out!". Minus the dirty looks from all the people at Wal-Mart, the haircut was well received...until he went to his dad's today. That bastard told T it looked gross, and cut it off...tell that to the Wal-Mart greeter, Mrs. Grey-Hair. She was totally diggin' it! I could tell from the thumbs-up she gave us. Can't wait to meet this schmuck! Maybe I'll give myself a haircut before I meet him...

In closing, carpe diem, and remember what Bob would say, "Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright."
OUT

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Lesson Learned...

I find myself driving 40 miles roundtrip, out of the way, in hopes of an early present from "Santa"...

One of the few memories I do have from my childhood, is that of Christmas Morning...waking up at 4:00am...having to wait until 7:00, the appointed time set by mom the night before...3 HOURS is a long to have to wait for Christmas, especially as a kid!

As I'm sitting in my car, looking at my freshly cracked windshield, I say to myself, "Is it really gonna be there this time..." I like to look at things with the glass half empty. That way, when something goes awry, I can fall back on the ol' saying, "I told you so" and feel a lot better about the situation. Sure enough, here comes by girlfriend....empty-handed. As she gets in the car, I lean over and mutter the words, "I told ya so."

Alright, alright...lesson fucking learned! I know exactly how to handle this situation...Take it head on and make my way to the liquor store and get myself some drank.

Just remember...don't count your blessings, unitl you've already been blessed. Until next time, do it like Dr. Dre and "keep on smokin'"
OUT!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

It's an "Amazing" Race....

Alright, I'll be the first to admit I watch reality television. This is not the most popular statement in some cliques in America. It seems like America is divided into 2 sections of TV watchers: Those who love reality TV, and have a TV show that they look forward to every night of every week...and those that can't stand reality television, and would rather watch reruns of the NFL inspired blockbuster flop, The XFL. I'm somewhat in the middle and feel that I have a valid argument from both sides of the field.

Last night was especially Amazing, the Amazing Race was on (in my opinion) the BEST all around network outside of cable TV, CBSclick here for listings . They have shows such as CSI, The Amazing Race, Lost, Football on Saturday and Sunday, etc. All they have left to do is sign Leno and get rid or Letterman. If you watched "the race" last night, you are feeling the same annoyance level that I'm feeling today. The Godlewski Sisters..aka the Good-God-Shut your mouth Sisters. They're ranking right up there with the fighting family from New York that we all know and love, the Paolo family. Warning Parents Adult supervision is recommended, they're back!!!

I know, I know...posting that picture wasn't very nice. Hey, at least I gave some warning. I found that if I concentrate on the little things that this family does, it makes me feel A LOT better about myself.

Bottom line, I watch these shows for entertainment purposes and that's all they are to me. Okay, maybe the thought of sending a video tape to CBS to try and audition for the Amazing Race, has crossed my mind a couple times. Yet, I find myself getting annoyed at the stupidity of our society, and it's cutting into my entertainment time. Luckily my job as a customer relations manager has taught me a lot about the IQ of my fellow Americans, but things are just getting ridiculous out there. So next time you are annoyed at a family or person on a reality show, just think of how nice it is to be watching them on TV, and having the ability to hit the mute button or change the channel.

Well it's humpday, I just may, have to say, see ya lay-ter.
OUT!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Mooondays

T-T-Today w-w-was a c-c-cold d-d-day...daaaaaamn! After sitting 10th row at the Colorado Avalanche VS Buffalo Sabres hockey game last night BoxScore
I left around 9:30 and it was single digits with the windchill. If it wasn't for my Columbia jacket, I just don't think I could have made it. Damn Avs, at least they made it a good game...10th row rocks!

Well today was your typical Monday, I'll be the first one to admit "I had a case of the Mondays"...Office Space, such a great movie. The funny thing about my job is, I usually end up feeling like Milton by Friday. That's dangerous..kidding or course :)

Alright, I usually don't do this kind of thing, but I have to give a shout-out to my good friend Eric, traveling back home to Africa today. Safe travels E - we'll miss you bro!

Until next time, "keep on rockin' in the free world"
OUT

Friday, December 02, 2005

T.G.I.F.

T.G.I.F.-Possibly the most well known 4 letter combination in the history of the working man.

I never thought I'd say those words this week, what an incredibly long week! Well, I'm glad it is almost over, and can't wait to do it again next week.

For now, wishing you and yours a safe weekend...Stay safe.

2pacavelli